Happiness
by Justified Wings
Summary: One-shot. Post Endless Waltz. After Colony 197. Heero spends Christmas with Relena and grows nostalgic over the prior years and their events. - HYxRP


**Happiness**

_"Mariemaia Kushrenada is dead."_

I'd waited one year to hear that. The war that she sparked in the name of her father had lasted that long.

Sometimes when you're in a war, it feels like an eternity. Even to soldiers, there are some who just can't wait to get out, and when they do, they feel as though they've aged a good ten or fifteen years. Then you have the soldiers who could really care less. Fighting has become their style. They'll do whatever it takes to keep the adrenaline flowing. Sometimes… it requires a lot of spilt blood to satisfy the thirst.

You could call me a man somewhere in between. A boy, I guess. People look at me and see a boy. I can't count the number of times I've heard myself defined as that. I don't feel like that, though. In a world where children play, I don't remember ever doing that. I'm not a boy at all.

I am a man.

It's been a year since everything happened. A year since Mariemaia and Dekim Barton fell from their self-proclaimed thrones. A year since the perplexing actions from the other four. A year since Zechs tried to atone for the crimes he committed previously. And a year since I parted ways with Wing ZERO.

Would I change any of it? I ask myself that often. To bring back the Gundams and resume the same fight over and over again… I wouldn't say that war makes me feel complete. There may not be a place in the world for the Perfect Soldier to fit in, but that doesn't mean I'd sooner turn my attention back onto meaningless battles. I'm not a fan of false glory. I'd die for my beliefs, though, if it was necessary.

I can't die yet, though, not that I think anyone would succeed in the attempt.

_"Heero…?"_

It's the single loveliest sound I've ever heard. I'll never tell it to someone else, or even to her, but the thought is what matters. She's grown up a lot. It's hard to see a change if you haven't been there from the beginning. Well, the beginning from when I entered the situation.

I didn't really hold any thoughts about Relena Darlian when I crossed paths with her for the first time. I just knew I needed to get away from her. It wasn't a part of my mission to cross paths with anyone when I deviated from Operation Meteor. There's a problem with certain people, however—and not just with females—and that is, that no matter how far you might go, there's a chance they'll follow. These are the types that the simple word 'no' really doesn't mean anything to them.

Relena was like this. A lot. I wasn't there for most of it, but the stories apparently ring true. I've never known whether I should admire her persistence, or if I should pinpoint exactly how foolish it is to seek the person who has the intention to kill you.

She was a threat initially. I believed she would hinder my plans, so I discovered where she had come from, and I followed her. It was a classic scheme of 'playing nice' until I could get out of the position I'd come into. What twisted the situation, perhaps, was when she found out I was leaving and she decided she probably didn't want me to go. I've never been the type to discuss what I was doing, and she really had no place in the world of mobile suits and battlefields. As a result, our paths separated, and a part of me was relieved.

There were questionable times where she chose to interfere with my life. It was obnoxious, frustrating, agitating, all of those words that express a certain dislike or disapproval. I really didn't want her around. I'd thought it was because she was just a distraction—and she really was. There was more to it, leading down a pathway I've never cared to get acquainted with.

It's convenient to grow attached to people, places, things, and ideas. That might be more dangerous than ever fighting in a war. If you don't have these considerations, then you don't have anything to ever be concerned about. You can fight without wondering what will happen if you get blasted in the face and have your innards splattered across the ground or on an unsuspecting Aries unit. Otherwise, everything you think about becomes a vulnerability, and you're suddenly open to the enemy. Most people can't choose to disclose when they wish to feel something.

I've never let those concepts enter my mind when I've got something to take care of. I'd like to say it and be accurate, but there are those times when even it's gotten the better of me.

Relena was a large vulnerability.

The Gundams and their pilots were all turned from their original mission, which was to allow the colonies to take over Earth, or so we heard later. When I think about it all now, I think we were chosen as pawns. Children who believed they were doing right for the world, when in actuality we were only being used as revenge tactics.

I can't speak for the others, but I chose to fight for the ideal of peace. It wasn't about gaining vengeance over the Organisation of the Zodiac. It was about putting a stop to their potential tyranny. A figurehead can't decide for the rest of the world what is right and wrong. Relena tied into this when it came to be that she was the daughter of the Peacecraft family, a noble and regal honourific that defined her position as absolute pacifism. I didn't believe at the time, or now, that it was possible to live in a world without war.

There will always be wars for one reason or another. We may not be able to stop them, but it is my goal to prevent any unnecessary sacrifices. Only by enduring hardships can we strengthen ourselves, but since when has strength and power been the only trait that makes a difference to others? Only barbaric soldiers would rely solely upon those assets. I suppose that makes me one of those sorts, in spite of whatever outcome I am attempting to reach for.

_"Heero… Are you watching the snow fall?"_

It's After Colony 197 and Christmas fever has fallen over Earth. The clouds act as though they're closing us into a safe environment, as though to say for the next two days, we won't be subject to any sort of detriment. The flakes of blinding white take their time in reaching the ground, reminding me of two years prior when I'd first made my descent in Wing. I was in a hurry then. Now I have no reason to feel that way.

She joins me at the window, obviously wondering what it is that I'm doing. Is it my imagination or has her hair darkened? It's winter, though, and the sun hasn't shown itself often enough to bring out the radiance of any gold in her hair. Relena looks like autumn, always changing, but always colours of absolute nobility. She's wearing that ribbon that I like so much, the one that I always look at, but never say anything. Her eyes are blue, not as dark as mine, but there's still something that prevents me from looking away.

She's an eternal mystery. I'll never understand why I've wanted to protect her. I'll never be able to put together why she chased me everywhere. It's part of that pathway that I'm not certain I want to ever acknowledge, but I know a part of me has. After all, I'm standing here now.

I nod to her wordlessly, which isn't something uncommon for me. I've never been a man of many words to her. She's not a pilot, but she seems to understand anyway, and I have to respect the idea that she no longer tries to pry information out of me. She really has grown up quite a bit. She's always meant well, and even now she's doing her best to be an appropriate representation for Earth and its intents with the colonies.

_"What do you think the others are doing? I hope they're enjoying the holiday. It's been a year, after all. Memories never go away. We're always holding them in our hearts."_

She's talking again, I notice, but it doesn't bother me—not in the way that it used to. She has a point, after all.

What _are_ they doing?

Quatre and Trowa are probably together, I assume. They always seemed to get along… probably something to do with the affinity for music. Not to mention that Quatre would never let the Maganac Corporation celebrate on their own, not after everything that they've been through together. The man without a name, Trowa we call him, is probably thinking about everything he left behind at the circus. Catherine, the ringleader, the animals. He's lived that life for so long, the one where he wears a mask… There's a good chance none of us will ever figure out who he really is. That's not really on our agenda, though. He's a good man to have as an ally.

I want to say Duo and Wufei are together, because Duo's never been the type to let the rest of us live in peace, and I'm pretty sure Wufei has a difficult time stomaching his presence. Opposites attract, though, or so they say, so perhaps they're enjoying the holiday too, in their own way filled with banter and unnecessary name-calling.

The Preventers are likely doing what they always do. There's no such thing as time off for them. Under the watchful eye of Lady Une, they are always maintaining some type of remote peace in space. Sometimes I wish I was with them, but then I can't seem to get past the fact that I don't have a desire to work with others. Work. There's really nothing for me to do in the first place. Noin and Sally are better off up there, even with Zechs, who I'll one day challenge again.

It really does leave me with Relena, who isn't as bad company as some might believe. She's handing me a cup now. It's warm and even I know what it is. Hot chocolate. It's a yearly tradition now, I suppose. She always puts marshmallows in mine, as though I'm some type of child. Little does she know that the moment she turns her back, they're the first things that are gone. I guess that makes them my favourite part.

_"I think they're happy. Everyone went through a lot. The mistakes we make as people, help us become better. They help us become happier. Everyone deserves happiness."_

Everyone, huh? Yes. I guess they do. There's a god up there who probably abandoned us in favour of watching his or her creations destroy themselves. It's a cruel life, and a hand that I didn't really want dealt to me. Sometimes, though, I think this supreme being made miraculous things. Like Relena. She's just what the world needs. Her kindness, her generosity, her inability to turn away from those in need, even those who have harmed her. Sometimes it seems like idiocy, but even I know she's doing what she needs to.

_"Even you, Heero. You deserve to be happy as well."_

It's not common that I've heard those words. I can't say I always believe them, but perhaps for Relena I'll let it bypass just once. Of course, I don't really find enjoyment in arguing, so it's better just to let the princess have her way. One day she might change her mind, after all.

She's staring at me. It's that expectant expression and I know she's waiting to hear or see _something_ from me. I've been pretty lifeless, after all. She knows not to expect a lot, though, and I couldn't ask for more—not that I've ever asked her for anything in the first place.

Or perhaps I have.

What Relena Darlian doesn't seem to know is that I _am_ happy. I'd never use the terminology. I'd never bother to even say it. I'd never even really bother to think it, but it doesn't mean that it isn't true. She thinks too much, and worries too much. If she didn't, though, she wouldn't be her.

This new world she has created may not have a spot for the Perfect Soldier, but as I'm standing with the Vice Foreign Minister of the Earth, I feel like I've found where I belong. She'll never need to hear me say it. She doesn't need to know why I haven't left yet, but she's probably figured it out already.

This is where I want to be.


End file.
